What if.

I'm currently in Starbucks opposite of Timesquare,

The place we had our best laughter and times together,
The day you gave a second chance to me,
The day that I thought we would be together forever,
The day that I wish we could forever stay in the same moment forever.

However, this took turn for the worst.
We had even more differences.
It maybe true that I kept a tight leash on you; and
It maybe true I had a very bad attitude.
But this doesnt change the fact I love you from the bottom of my heart.

Everyone says that I should move on,
Everyone told me you don't deserve me,
But is that really the case?

There isn't a moment or a second in a day
that I would believe that you didnt love me; or
that you didnt appreciate me.

Your kisses,
Your touch,
Your words,
Were those merely my imagination and my misinterpretation?
Did you not mean them when you kissed me?
Did you not mean them when you touched me lovingly?
Did you not mean them when you told me you love me?
Or was those merely my imagination and my misinterpretation?

I keep glancing back and forth on the corner we both sat together,
having our casual kisses and hugs,
having our happy laughter,
It all seems so distant and they are like strangers to me
now that you're gone.

Would it be the same? If
we had similarities? If
we had more understanding of each other? If
we had clicked with each other more?
Would it be the same? or would it be different?

You wrote in the letter you gave me, that
You would accept all my imperfections, that
You would see me in my wedding dress one day; and that
I'm the one that made you feel completed, that
I'm your missing puzzle in you heart.
Were those merely words to make me fall harder for you? or
Were those the truth?

Tears wouldn't stop streaming down my face.

Whenever I hear Just the Way You are,
I kept remembering the times we had in MNG,
Where you sang this song to my ear and
had me blushing crimson-red.

Whenever I hear Sunday Morning,
I kept remembering the times we had in karaoke.
Where I enjoyed you touch and kisses with
this song playing in the background.

As I take up the letter you gave me,
I couldn't stop thinking,
"What if"
What if that you could accept me,
What if I could change for the better for you,
What if we could work it out?

Everywhere in KL has a piece of memory of me and you.
It hurts me wherever I go, I'm reminded of my happy times with you.
It hurts when the best part of me is you.
I just want you back in my arms.

Baby, I love you,
I miss you even more, and
I'm sorry that I've hurt you, and
I'm sorry that I'm not matured enough.

I.Love.You.

-Zoe-

Sigh

Friends come and go,
Lovers come and go,
Things come and go,
Everything is like a passerby,
They come and they go,
Nothing stays forever.

Sigh,
I was so naive,
To always think that you'll always be here for me.
I wonder,
how many times have I been writing bout all these stuff?
Countless.
Maybe from the beginning,
It was never you guys who left me,
Maybe it was always me.
Maybe I was the one who brought all these to myself.

Countless tears had fall from my eyes,
Countless times I had wasted to think about what happened between us,
Countless times I've tried to see what's my mistake
Countless times...I've tried to communicate with you.
Countless times frown has formed on my head...
And countless times, I have failed to patch our friendships together.

I always wonder,
Was it right to just let go?
Was it right to just stop thinking?
Was it right to just blame everything on myself?
Was it right to just let it ended up this way?

Maybe it was you who tried to make me think is my fault.
Maybe it was you who betrayed me,
Maybe you've tried to cover up things that I should not know.
Maybe you never really did treat me like a friend.
Maybe...It was all just an ACT!!

Why can't anything be clear to me?
Why am I the one who is always left behind?
Why am I typing all these when I know you'll never read it!
Why am I doing all these?
Why can't I just fall into deep slumber and forget everything?

Answer is simple.
Because I can't...
I can't leave things at it is and forget everything...
Because,
It is you...
Maybe because,
I still treat you like my own best friend.
Maybe,
I never hated you for dumping all these shits on me.
Maybe I was too nice to even thought of hating you.

I'm a fool.

Please... :')

If you're reading this,
I hope you'll read it to the end,
I love you since the we've became good friends,
I might be invisible to you everytime you mentioned ur crush,
I never stop encouraging you to court her,
Because, I love to see the face you have everytime you talked bout her,
I don't really care bout the fact that I'll never be "The-One" for you,
I just want you to know that,
I'll be here for you,
Not only as a good friend, But also as a girl who loves you alot.

I'm not pretty on the outside, that's my biggest flaw.
But, on the inside, I'm prettier than most of the girls.
I never complained anything bout you because you are who you are,
I don't want you to ever change.
I want to love you for who you are,
I never had the courage to tell you bout my feelings,
because I'm afraid,
If I am to be rejected by you,
I'm afraid that we'll never be as close as this anymore.

I've realize from the start,
That we'll never be BEST friends,
because, I'll never be contented with only being best friends with you,
I want to be beside you,
Not as a good friend, but as a lover.
I want to stand up straight and be proud to tell everyone that we're lovers.
I don't want to squat in the corner,
Grieving because I cant have you,
Letting everyone's suspicious glance fall on me.

Even if I can't have you for the next few years,
Will you be mine just for one night?
Can you fulfill my dreams to stand straight and proud beside you?
Only one night.
I want you to hold me in your arms and waltz with me.
Just one night,
Let me be selfish.

Will you be my prom date on 30th October?

-Love is like a rose, the flower itself represents beauty, yet the thorns represents pain and hurt-

My view.

-Am I annoying? = I dont know.
-Am I bossy? = I'm sure I am.
-Am I stuck up? = I try to stop..eventhough i'm not sure whether I am or not.
-Am I a show off? = I love to boast, but i keep it to the minimum.

-You say that I'm a kind girl = I'm totally the opposite, but thx.
-You say I need to get my temper checked. = I'm sorry I snapped so easily, but I'll try my best.
-You say I need to shutup = I'm sorry, i'm just trying to TALK to you.
-You ignore me sometimes = WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO WRONG?
-You say that I'm a good singer = Sorry, I cant help to doubt whether you're sincere or not.
-You say I insult people too much = I do that unintentionally and I wont if i weren't worrying over when you are going to turn around and give up on me.

-I may seem strong and confident on the outside, but inside i'm an overly sensitive girl that fear being lonely tremendously.
-I suck in expressing my REAL feelings.
-I never knew how to really communicate with people.
-I prefer to be alone from the time I was born, instead of having friends that would turn their back on me then leave me alone.

-Look at me, I'm not pretty, is that why you don't like me?
-Look at me, I'm loud and annoying, is that why you stay away from me?
-Look at me, I'm not perfect, is that why you turn your back and leave me?

-Why leave me alone and let me fend for myself?
-Why do I feel that everyone is always talking behind my back, everywhere I go?
-Why cant I feel confident around a crowd of people?
-Why do I have to force a smile on my face and pretend I don't know anything, when I already know that you dislike me already?
-Why do you have to force yourself to talk to me, using a pissed off tone and expression, even if you hate me? Just don't come over to me if you dislike me, spare me the misery.

-I feel like crying everytime I see you trying to ignore me.
-I feel like crying when I know that in your heart, i'm no longer an important friend.
-I feel like crying when you give me the hateful look.
-I feel like crying when I see you smiling and enjoying more than when you are enjoying when i'm around.

This is me.
I'm not strong nor am I perfect.
I'm weak and tired.
I'm sick of betrayals and silent treatments.
I getting really tired of this fucking world.
I'm going to rise to the top,
When I do,
You are going to regret what you've done to me and what kind of act you put up in front of me.
I'm not blind,
I'm just refusing to see that ugly side of yours.
I look at the people around me with one eye open.
Stop acting like you like me when you don't, because I know it's all an act.
Tell me straight in my face if you have courage.
This is me,
I'm not strong nor am I perfect,
But,
I will be the one rising to the top,
Because I seek the truth, and I'm sick of everyone betraying me and still treat me like I'm their friend.
With my power,
You will be sorry for treating me like the biggest fool.
Mark.My.Words.

-Because I am what I am, I do not need you to tell me what I should be-

Growing

Hurmms... :) well, I just came back from Scouts camp.

It was awesome! ahha! if you would minus injury from a bee sting and divide the injury from a sprained ankle..:P

Overall it was a really awesome camp..:) aside from tent-mates and the weather...there's nothing bad to condemn since the Scout Council members work REALLY hard for it. I really appreciated it :) It's my 1st and last camp in SMK SEAFIELD.

Sooo..Let's start with the 1st day. :D

We reach the campsite which was in {SUFEX, Tapah, Perak.} - one location ar!..

Erm, around 1 hour b4 reaching, we stopped at one of the R&R stop, for pee-ing and etc...to say it short, i sprained my goddamn ankle there! :( hmmph, fucking sprained ankle b4 reaching the stupid campsite? UGH!

Okay then when we were all in line, I was listening to the briefing of what we should be doing soon, and suddenly, i felt something stingy on my MIDDLE FINGER! yay! Lol..So I lift my hand up, and i saw a goddammned big black and yellow BEE! OMFG!!...=.= i quickly swack it off, but i was too late because the needle on it's ass detached and stunged me. HMMPH! FUCK U bEE!!

I didnt not panic! nor did i scream, perfectly calm! :D
I quickly went to Sze Jie, who is our welfare officer, and ask him to gimme some anti-septic, to kill the bacteria. :D What can i say, i learn alot from my mommie on what to do when encounter all of these unfortunate events. :D

Well, it was hurting like fuck for a few minutes, then after that all it was doing to my hand was makin it red and bulging big. =.= and itchy..boo!

LOL and it was all before any activities started...=.= nooooooo!

Okay then there's my tent-mates. Oh my god man!! aside from Sue Teng and Wen Min, the others were like CITY girls man! they couldnt live with 1sec without COMPLAINING!! WTF GIMME PIECE LA bitches.

Okay let's see 1stly is AMANDA. :D
She keep saying she dulan this and that, saying how there's no hairdryer, no this no that, and keep complaining without stopping! WALAO EH! STOP LA! WAN TO COMPLAIN PLEASE FUCKING GO HOME, DUN COME FOR CAMP, U STUPID GIRL =.= CAMP ARE FOR PPL WHO ARE INDEPENDENT, NOT FOR SOMEONE WHO IS DEPENDING ON SOMEONE ELSE..=.= FUCK!

then there's ZhenYing...sadly
She ar....omg man, whenever a bug flew by, or leeches appear or..erm..anything which is flying aside bird, she'll scream....=.= wtf? oi, they dun really kill you man. just chill and relax lar! screaming wont help! makes ppl annoyed..=.=

Those two were the most outrages person lo.

Then at nigt. ZhenYing, Amanda, and XiYuin were all chatting away, LOUDLY, and if i'm not wrong, giggling bout guys..=.= oi late ad please go sleep la, no gossip please, summore tomorrow we have to like wake around 7.
one of the council, came in and warn THEM to go sleep.
BUT NOOOOOOOOOOO! They have to FUCKING talk, HEY WANNA CHAT GO HOME AND CALL LAR! DUN WASTE RM150 JUST TO COME HERE CHAT WITH UR FRENS.
their were kinda like

"that guy you know like you ler..*giggling madly*"
"i knw i know~ but i dun like him i ignore him lo..hahahaah"
...?? we can all hear you ler...if you wanna tell us how popular you guys are..please go somewhere else.=.=

then lastly was wat i heard from amanda at the last day.

"I missed my hairdryer sooo much tat i think i had a illusion of someone using it when i was asleep."

WTF? GHOST?? shyt u la bitch.
and she claims she's not a spoiled brat.....HAH! dun make me laugh!! LOL!

and that's all there is for me to burst! :D

Bye fuckers! Adious!

-Sometimes telling the truth doesnt mean you're being nice-

Tagged! :D

* List the 15 names of the person that you always think about.

* Do not list any repeats.

* Then, answer the 41 questions below, pertaining to the 15 people.

* When you finish, tag all 15 people in the list, so the cycle can continue.

* If you've been tagged, copy and paste this information into a new note, and follow the directions above. There's no need to feel obligated. If you want to do it, do it. If you don't, have a laugh then move on. :P

AND, short answers.as usual.



1) Kasvena

2) Nee Cole

3) Charlotte Goh

4) Jie Yinn

5) Huongyi

6) Ian Joseph Anthony

7) Nazrin Choo

8) Laura

9) Soon Yong

10) Johnathan Selvaraja

11) Christine

12) May Jean

13) Nikly

14) Dylan Romeo

15) Jye Er




How did you meet 1? (Kasvena)
- Uhmm classmate since last year. ^^ yippie

What would you do if you never met number 8? (Laura)
- HAHA! wouldnt be exciting, love bullying her!

Would you date 2? (Nee Cole)
- Yes, if i were a boy~~

Have you ever seen 11 cry? (Christine)
- Yeah, made me wanna go whack the person who made her cry.

Would 3 and 13 make a good couple? (Charlotte and Nikly)
- OH HELL NO! THEY ARE COUSINS!

Describe 9. *(Soon Yong)
- Uhm, Cute, funny, Annoying yet lovable guy! ;) my great-grandson XD

Do you like 2? (Nee Cole)
- Yesyes! more than anything! XD

Do you think 6 is attractive? (Ian)
- Haha! Yeah in a way! he's like the most hilarious guy you can ever chat with!

When was the last time you talked to 14? (Dylan Romeo)
- ehm!....last week? thru facebook? XD

Would you ever date 7? (choo)
- Why not? He's a nice guy and he's funny! and a good friend too! :)

Where does 15 live? (Jye Er)
- usj 2

What is the best thing about 8? (laura)
- HAHA! Her reaction when she see her embarassing photos on FB!!! LMAO

What would you like to tell 13 right now? (Nikly)
- hmm, cousie where's my brown work glove ar? (maple)

What is the best thing about 12? (May Jean)
- She's a very pretty and has a cute personality! she's also smart. overall she's awesome..<3

Have you ever kissed 11? (Christine)
- Ehm, no? i bet her boy will kill me if i wanna try! XD

What's the best memory you have with 14? (Dylan Romeo)
- Uhm posted a wall post on fb tagged Kasvena n Dylan and we chatted off there, and we have 200+ comments onli from 3 of us!

Who is 4's best friend? (Jie Yinn)
- Jye Er i guess..XD

Is 15 pretty? (Jye Er)
- Yes!! she doesnt admit though, in denial? XD love her man!

What was your first impression of 10? (John)
- Haha! i thought.."he's one weird and entertaining guy"

Is 1 your best friend? (Kasvena)
- YES! my boo! XDXD

Have you seen 5 in the last month? (Huongyi)
- T_T nooo! i missed him!! ><

When was the last time you saw 11? (Christine)
- last Friday in class

Have you ever been to 13's house? (Nikly)
- Yeah more than your fingers can count

When's the next time you'll see 9?(Soon Yong)
- This coming monday!

Are you really close to 6? (Ian)
- Well~ not so...:D

Would you give 3 a hug? (Charlotte)
- Erm, i get to hug her when i feel like it..

Do you know a secret about 5? (HuongYi)
- Yeah..;)

Describe the relationship between 14 and 4.(Jie Yinn and Dylan)
- They dont know each other exists

What's your friendship like with 12? (May Jean)
- Good Friends..:)

Have you ever danced with 8? (Laura)
- Nope..XD

How do you know 7? (Nazrin)
- Same class, and neighbours

Does 2 have a gf/bf? (NeeCole)
- SOON!! AHAHHA

Have you ever wanted to smack 4 in the face? (Jie Yinn)
- Nop...she's too nice..:D

Has 13 met your father? (Nikly)
- Yes...:D

Have you travelled anywhere with 10?(Johnathan)
- Nop

If you gave 7 $100 , what would they spend it on? (Nazrin)
- Something for the girl he likes.

What's your best memory with 2? (Neecole)
- Where we did pranks on our friends when we had sleepover around 3am

What is your best memory with 5? (Huongyi)
- Well,went out with him for a movie, it was hectic! LMAO

What is the last thing you did with 15? (Jye Er)
- Errrrr..i totally forgotten! ><

When did you meet 6? (Ian)
- This year! seafield.fm


-had fun doin it :)) people if u read this n if u r tagged! just do it lah :)

The First Blooming

hmm, Kasvena is sooo totally biting my heads off for not updating! OMFG! help! >< jk..XD

Anyway, let's talk bout this week. It's our first useless exam week, we had retarded BM on tuesday, then we have awesome BI in Wednesday, then we had useless Maths on Thursday, then we have our oh-so-lovable History (sarcasm inserted) on Friday which was yesterday. Yucks.

We had leaks all over, FLOOD! XD lame. Leaked question, all subject except Maths!

What pissed me off was, Pn.Sujatha! ugh that..that old hag!!

She found out EVERYONE was not sitting according to place, and then we she asked us to friggin change to our original places, ALL of us were reluctant, actually i'm fine with it, but heck i can feel my classmate's groaning n moaning in agony sound...haha!

Then since almost everyone were not in their places the second time she came in,

She was fumming, and then for no reason, she kept shooting at me! AS IF I COPY ANYTHING FROM CHRISTINE?!! (I was sitting beside the back door, then Christine was beside me on my left hand side.) HELLO WHY SHOULD I WANNA COPY CHRISTINE'S ENGLISH PAPER?! hmm..Maybe she thought that Christine was copying mine..but then again, Christine's english essay title is SOOO different from mine! She wrote the title 'Money' and i wrote the Creative writing!! @_@ hey old hag! try fucking compare our paperS! maybe you could get some clue whether we really fucking copy each other or not lar! BITCH!

And then, you know what she said?
she said "If you dont go back to your own place, you're counted as copying!" Err hag much? hello!~ can you hear me? WE HAD DIFFERENT TITLES IN ESSAY YOU BITCHING HAG! ugh

Then she had to have Nikly to prove it, so she asked Nikly to go to bilik hem and meet her.
And here's what i've heard from Nikly.
Pn.S : Did those two copy?
N : Nope, they didnt.
Pn.S : But they were sitting together and refuse to change back to their own places, I dont care, they are copying. (cant accept the fact that we didnt copy. =.= noob!)
N : I also don't care, they didnt copy!

Then he walked away..hahaha! when he told me that, i was bursting in laughter! I would give anything to see her expression baby! XD
HAHAHA! Even Christine was LMAO-ing when she heard it from Nikly.

Well, not much things to write about aside from that,

Umm..And to Nazrin, I love your blog! but dont spoil it with lame daily stuff please?? <3 Love ya!
and Kasvena I totally dig your blog!!! <3<3 many hot guy's pic too! aside from the Korean guys! Pheeewittt!! <3<3 Love ya more than Choo! XDXD

and sry if this is short! <3

Hmm, gtg, i'm rushing! BYE -xoxo-

-People who are frightening honest, always are hated by some-